PS第一稿求改,感谢感谢!!

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HazyDream
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凑啊凑的,终于勉强完成了第一稿,也有找亲朋好友帮忙看了看改了改,希望大家再帮忙看看。科研经历太少,真的是硬凑。而且感觉很多地方挺重复的,导致字数很多很臃肿的样子= =,有没有什么建议。
语言可以先忽略下,最后应该还会找机构帮忙润色。
如果下面这个看的不舒服,这里有网盘链接pan.baidu.com

[align="left"]My nameis Zhen Wang. Currently, I am a student in Nanjing University of Aeronauticsand Astronautics (NUAA). NUAA is one of the top universities in China. From there,my academic career take off.[/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]During the first year in NUAA, I studied in AirportManagement. This major is to train airport operational and support personnel.When I realized that I could predict almost all the career possibilities in my future,I knew that Airport Management is not the major that I want. Therefore, Idetermined to pursue a more challenging and innovative major, Automation-Avionicsand Control. In China, it is of strict requirements to change major. I need tobe best of the best just in order to choose my major on my free will.Eventually, through one year of hard working, I became top 1 in Airport Management.As a result, not only I succeeded to get into Automation faculty, but alsoachieved the National Award, which only awarded top 1% among all majors. [/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]Since my secondyear, I devoted great enthusiasm to this interdisciplinary subject of controlscience, computer science and so on. I participated in several electroniccircuit design competitions and did research on relevant chips. I also studiedhard on course projects, such as global navigation system and helicoptercontrol. During my study, I applied proper algorithm to manager primaryproblems. For example, I used the PID control algorithm to realize the controlof coaxial helicopters. I believe it is the curiosity that drivenmyself in learning. Through unremitting efforts, I achieved an excellent grade,90.4/100 and ranked 1/25(Number of the students) among my track. [/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]In a widerange of learning and practice, I also adjust the direction of my dream butnever slow down. Now, standing in the interception of the graduation, I listento the call of my heart and make a careful and determined choice. I decide toget engaged with major of computer science and let it be my lifelong career.[/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]When Iwas a freshman, I independently completed the design ofSpeeding Tickets Generation System with C language. From then I clearly feltthe satisfaction of using algorithms to solve practical problems. This kind ofexperiences stimulates my interest on the computer science. With the depth oflearning, my passion on computer science increased. I tried to enhance mymathematical ability to lay a solid foundation for my future development. I wasselected by the Engineering Mathematical Analysis class to learn the mostdifficult advanced mathematical course for engineering students and phrasedwith 1 additional point (scale 5) of grade. What is more, I have extensivecontacts with all kinds of principle and applications of computer science,including neural network, genetic algorithm, assembly language, adaptiveprinciple, data structure, computer vision etc. [/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]Apartfrom a large number of in-depth theoretical studies, I also seized everyopportunity to participate in scientific research and practice.[/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]In myjunior year, I led a course project entitled optimization algorithm on theelevator group control and its economic analysis. In this process, I not onlylearned how to design algorithm corresponding with real-world models, masteredthe complete and rigorous research methods, but also to understand theresponsibility of the team leader and the value of teamwork.[/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]I alsotook part in the project of Policy Analysis Based on Back Propagation (BP) Neural Network. My task was to establish aneural network, so that it could make a higher accuracy of prediction. In theperiod of reading a large number of references and studying many related cases,I got a deep understanding of the structure, function and realization method ofneural networks and generated a neural network model. However, improving theprediction accuracy was the biggest problem. I got stuck in this problem for along time. Through repeatedly comparing and screening various plans, I finallyfound a solution of comprehensively utilizing different influential elements,like increasing the capacity of training data, adjusting political factors, andusing the proper normalized function. The accuracy finally met the requirement.The completion of this task promoted the development of the entire projectresearch. From this project, I have got a deeper understanding of artificialintelligence and the importance of standardized scientific research.[/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]This summer, I achieved theopportunity to work as an intern in Shanghai Creating Information TechnologyCo., I took the position to assist the development of the management software,DRGs evaluation platform. During this internship, I learned the C# and theprimary design idea of aspx .net, which greatly enhance the ability ofobject-oriented programming and algorithm design. My supervisor asked me to createthe system login page. It was not easy for the first time to write. I had toread the definitions of all the needed classes, study the proper use of the dynamiclink library, learn the communication with the database and have a clear ideaof both the page design and the background processing. When the mission wasalmost finished, I come across a trouble that when the tips appeared, theoriginal page would refresh. Assisted by my supervisor, I knew the method touse Ajax to realize the asynchronous update of the page. Finally, the task wascompleted and the Co. was satisfied with my performance.[/align][align="left"] [/align][align="left"]All the research and practiceexperiences are of great value to me and I want to participate in more projectsin the graduate stage. Realizing that my professional capability is stilllimited, I hope to pursue a master degree in USC to solid the foundation andfurther enhance my background. USC enjoys a high reputation in the world and Viterbi School of Engineering is the target school for many famous companies. The Computer Science -Scientists and Engineers program is carefully crafted to students with limitedbackground. All these not only let me yearn and accord with my presentsituation as well. I treat master not as the end of academic study, but a newstart. I want to apply to Ph. D program so as to improve my scientific researchstrength and academic attainments. And my long-term goal is to get into theindustrial field and become a top software engineer. Technological innovationis the key to the progress of the era. It is the full application of advancedtheory to the real world that maximizes the creation of value. I believe the Scientistsand Engineers program is the most suitable program to me and could realize mypotential. I sincerely hope to join you next year.[/align]
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补充内容 (2016-10-19 20:00):
修改后的第二稿在这pan.baidu.com。。。求指点了。时间紧迫了
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