TPO3-综合写作求改

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hellopipu333
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TPO3-综合写作- Rembrandt 画作
(题目kmf上有,抱歉发不了链接)
在kmf上评测一直是4分,但自己感觉听力的点都写全了,看5分的作文写的点也都是一样。不知道怎么改了。求大神指点。我听力的笔记如下:
分论点1: fur collar , not origin, paint over 100 years later, make more formal to increase value
分论点2: light colored cloth, reflect light to illuminate face, not in paitial shadow, realistic
分论点3: enlarge to make more grand and more valuable + from same tree

我的作文如下:

The reading passage and listening materials both discuss about whether the painting is a work by Rembrandt. The writer claims that the painting is painted by Rembrandt, while the lecture debuts the statements, and proves its point with new evidences.

Firstly, the writer indicates that the way the woman is dressed is not consistent with her status, which Rembrandt could not make this mistake. To be specific, the woman is wearing an expensive fur collar that she could not afford as a servant. However, the lecture holds the perspective that the fur collar does not exist in the original painting when analyzed by X-ray , the fur collar is painted over the work after 100 years by others to make the painting more like a formal portrait of an elegant lady, thus increasing the value of the painting.

Secondly, the writer states that the light and shadow do not fit together in the painting, which could not happen in the work of Rembrandt, who is a master of painting light and shadow. To this point, The professor claims that when the dark fur collar is removed, the woman dresses a light colored cloth in the original painting, which can reflect light to illuminate the woman's face in partial shadow to make the painting as realistic as Rembrandt's style.

Finally, the reading passage contends that Rembrandt never paints on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together. However, the lecture states that the painting is enlarged by others to make it grander and more valuable, the original painting is actually on a single wood panel which is Rembrandt's style. Besides, the wood used in the panel is from the same tree as another painting which has been confirmed to be attributed to Rembrandt.
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