SoP修改前后对比 大家评价一下这个修改? 加米!

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bendd
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学校要求
Statement of Purpose.
* Identify areas of computer science that are of particular interest and explain why.
* Explain why you are interested in the CS MEng Program at Cornell University.
* Review what makes you qualified for our program.
* Discuss how the CS MEng program will help you meet your future goals.Statement of Purpose.

虽然我自己写的可能是有点像加长版CV, 但我感觉这个修改以后更加乱了呢?和我自己脑海了SoP的样子差距有点大..
不过也有可能我自己的思维太固化了,但话说回来,我也想问问这个修改有哪些地方可以借鉴?

原来的:shimo.im修改后的:shimo.im

看完两篇可能需要十几分钟,谢谢大家!
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