TPO45 独立求狠批：Decision of young people: past and now
6537
第一次接触托福写作，写了两个版本并花小钱批改、重复分析：
希望能有前辈根据 Version 2 指教，求狠批，非常感谢！
如果有 uu 感兴趣评分但又不想花钱，可以对比下两文，e-rater 跨了一个档次。
Task / TPO 45
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Version 1
Limited in 30mins, 360 words; errors revised
E-rater: 18-24/30
Microsoft: 26/30
Contemporary arguments on adolescents' autonomy in decision making are prevailing. Some, in this context, argues that the younger are more decisively independent to their parents than before, while other opponents disagree. To me, this new generation are more confident and canny in exploring their own ways, for at least three reasons.
For one, consistently changing challenges to the young generation obligate them to avoid indecisive, as before. In a modern society, people are required to be more adaptive to fast evolution. For instance, the distance of the second and third industrial revolution is much more close, compared to the fist and second. In this process, it is essential and sometimes vital for the younger generation to learn and implement something at a higher speed than ever before, thus, they need to be responsive to every instant problem and question. Moreover, today's works are highly professional, such as a software engineer who need to program a unique module by own and an individual researchers which require those employees to tackle with emerging questions using personal talents, and those mandatory techniques are not static even could found in previous efforts. Therefore, challenges and fresh requirements make the younger to be independent than before.
Second, opportunities from education and occupation introduce a higher eligibility of doing so to than former. Since statistics consecutively show, whether from universities or governments, the general level of residents' education is rising at a significant speed, those under more recent education have higher capability of making a more personal decisions with higher quality. Besides, current industrial practices also elevated the importance of training for higher demands in professional eligibility. For example, IT companies including FAGM (Facebook, Amazon, Google, Microsoft) have a nearly universal consensus that students from prestigious colleges need to be trained for higher working performance. These two factors make those younger more confident in choosing their own lives.
Admittedly, mature suggestions from the elder are consistently beneficial, adolescents in a more modern context pursue for integrating them as complementary, which is also different from the past. Overall, the tendency of young people to be more independent in decision making than before is due to societal changes and consequences,
Version 2
Revised without time limit, 505 words
E-rater: 25-30/30
Microsoft: 26/30
Eight in ten of my friends expressed a tendency to “consider” rather than to “accept” their parents’ suggestions, when choosing professional and personal tracks. As not a singular, although the impacts from the elderly continue, the younger generation is shifting to a more independent pattern of decision making, for at least three reasons.
This behavior firstly questions: are adolescents “required” to be more decisive ? A qualitative answer is yes for the continuity of changes and the heterogeneity of professions in modern society. Contrast to now, changes in the past were notably rare which preserves the efficiency of past experience. For instance, the reason why our grandparents’ advice on agricultural and fishing skills didn’t lose validity to parents was partly because lives in a small village hadn’t changed much. However, current society for the young generation is constituted with higher proportions of the secondary and the tertiary economic sectors. For example, the elder generation is doomed to fail to transfer tacit knowledge in newly emerged industries including information technology, social network communication strategies, and artificial intelligence based arts, for the lack of experience. In this case, teenagers need to find relevant support and make decisions on their own, which is, less dependent on parents.
Another reason is higher education has increased their capability of better decisions. In China, as a typical example, education level in general has significantly increased in the past two decades and one in six of them holds a degree equal to or higher than a bachelor, according to the official. Comparing this with the previous scarcity in education, if one agrees with higher cognition related to higher education, s/he would notice that the younger generation in China yields increased mastery of making appropriate choices. Moreover, a similar phenomenon is recently documented in an ethnography dubbed “Study Gods: How Do Chinese Elites Preparing Global Competition”. This book argues that Chinese students with more prestigious educational backgrounds may acquire more mature skills in interaction, essential for later achievements. Therefore, since cognitive advantages improve decision quality, higher education yields better decisions and thus adolescents are more capable of prioritizing their own ideas.
Additionally, children born later have realized parents are merely one source of suggestions while manifold alternatives are available, such as academic and professional mentors. In respect to my experience, graduate school teachers make invaluable efforts to make students ask a question and find a solution independently, especially in my unprecedented thesis on GitHub’s social networks. And so do my professional mentors since the primary work of a product manager is to make decisions, even in uncertain situations. Those trainings and informations are not from my parents but efficiently improve my decision quality.
To sum up, the younger generation is making more independent decisions than before for societal changes, personal capability, and ware of alternatives. Admittedly, impacts from parents are still effective but such influences are becoming less practical, less prioritized, and less prevailing than before. Is this phenomenon sporadic? No. Beneficial for them? Yes. Inspiring for us? Absolutely.
- Version 1，TPO 整套限时，没写完错误频出；
- Version 2，无限时重写，在看了 E-rater/Microsoft 批改后。
希望能有前辈根据 Version 2 指教，求狠批，非常感谢！
如果有 uu 感兴趣评分但又不想花钱，可以对比下两文，e-rater 跨了一个档次。
Task / TPO 45
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Version 1
Limited in 30mins, 360 words; errors revised
E-rater: 18-24/30
Microsoft: 26/30
Contemporary arguments on adolescents' autonomy in decision making are prevailing. Some, in this context, argues that the younger are more decisively independent to their parents than before, while other opponents disagree. To me, this new generation are more confident and canny in exploring their own ways, for at least three reasons.
For one, consistently changing challenges to the young generation obligate them to avoid indecisive, as before. In a modern society, people are required to be more adaptive to fast evolution. For instance, the distance of the second and third industrial revolution is much more close, compared to the fist and second. In this process, it is essential and sometimes vital for the younger generation to learn and implement something at a higher speed than ever before, thus, they need to be responsive to every instant problem and question. Moreover, today's works are highly professional, such as a software engineer who need to program a unique module by own and an individual researchers which require those employees to tackle with emerging questions using personal talents, and those mandatory techniques are not static even could found in previous efforts. Therefore, challenges and fresh requirements make the younger to be independent than before.
Second, opportunities from education and occupation introduce a higher eligibility of doing so to than former. Since statistics consecutively show, whether from universities or governments, the general level of residents' education is rising at a significant speed, those under more recent education have higher capability of making a more personal decisions with higher quality. Besides, current industrial practices also elevated the importance of training for higher demands in professional eligibility. For example, IT companies including FAGM (Facebook, Amazon, Google, Microsoft) have a nearly universal consensus that students from prestigious colleges need to be trained for higher working performance. These two factors make those younger more confident in choosing their own lives.
Admittedly, mature suggestions from the elder are consistently beneficial, adolescents in a more modern context pursue for integrating them as complementary, which is also different from the past. Overall, the tendency of young people to be more independent in decision making than before is due to societal changes and consequences,
Version 2
Revised without time limit, 505 words
E-rater: 25-30/30
Microsoft: 26/30
Eight in ten of my friends expressed a tendency to “consider” rather than to “accept” their parents’ suggestions, when choosing professional and personal tracks. As not a singular, although the impacts from the elderly continue, the younger generation is shifting to a more independent pattern of decision making, for at least three reasons.
This behavior firstly questions: are adolescents “required” to be more decisive ? A qualitative answer is yes for the continuity of changes and the heterogeneity of professions in modern society. Contrast to now, changes in the past were notably rare which preserves the efficiency of past experience. For instance, the reason why our grandparents’ advice on agricultural and fishing skills didn’t lose validity to parents was partly because lives in a small village hadn’t changed much. However, current society for the young generation is constituted with higher proportions of the secondary and the tertiary economic sectors. For example, the elder generation is doomed to fail to transfer tacit knowledge in newly emerged industries including information technology, social network communication strategies, and artificial intelligence based arts, for the lack of experience. In this case, teenagers need to find relevant support and make decisions on their own, which is, less dependent on parents.
Another reason is higher education has increased their capability of better decisions. In China, as a typical example, education level in general has significantly increased in the past two decades and one in six of them holds a degree equal to or higher than a bachelor, according to the official. Comparing this with the previous scarcity in education, if one agrees with higher cognition related to higher education, s/he would notice that the younger generation in China yields increased mastery of making appropriate choices. Moreover, a similar phenomenon is recently documented in an ethnography dubbed “Study Gods: How Do Chinese Elites Preparing Global Competition”. This book argues that Chinese students with more prestigious educational backgrounds may acquire more mature skills in interaction, essential for later achievements. Therefore, since cognitive advantages improve decision quality, higher education yields better decisions and thus adolescents are more capable of prioritizing their own ideas.
Additionally, children born later have realized parents are merely one source of suggestions while manifold alternatives are available, such as academic and professional mentors. In respect to my experience, graduate school teachers make invaluable efforts to make students ask a question and find a solution independently, especially in my unprecedented thesis on GitHub’s social networks. And so do my professional mentors since the primary work of a product manager is to make decisions, even in uncertain situations. Those trainings and informations are not from my parents but efficiently improve my decision quality.
To sum up, the younger generation is making more independent decisions than before for societal changes, personal capability, and ware of alternatives. Admittedly, impacts from parents are still effective but such influences are becoming less practical, less prioritized, and less prevailing than before. Is this phenomenon sporadic? No. Beneficial for them? Yes. Inspiring for us? Absolutely.
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