【独立】jj作文求改~

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sarakaka
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题目:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past.

思路:同意题目观点,提出两个理由(社会文化改变--有利,教学方式改变--不利),最后总结。共339词。

Education is one of the key words in the society which always triggers hot discussion. The relationship of teachers and students, directly or indirectly, influences education quality and determines their academic performance and future career development to some degree. Indeed, young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past, due to cultural differences and the change of education methods and objectives.
(首段肯定题目中的观点,并且提出两个原因)
Compared with ancient China, nowadays teacher-student relationship seems to be more friendly and equally. In times of Confucius, students were not allowed to speak freely in class, let alone discussing or debating with teachers on a specific question. It was a common sense for students to regard their teachers as fathers. While nowadays, students can sit together with teachers and provide various prospective in class. It seems that they respect less than the past, while this kind of equality breaks the absolute authority of teachers, sparks inspiration in study and foster critical thinking ability of students.
(原因一:文化变化,对比中国古代,现在的师生关系更加和谐平等,这看似是没有之前尊重,但其实是一种很好的现象。)
Furthermore, the tremendous change of education methods and objectives has decreased the respect from students to their teachers. Students nowadays pay more focus on extrinsic motivation such as grades and rewards. The natural desire of obtaining knowledge has been distorted to a higher grades in order to applying for a promoting job or a graduate school. Strict teachers who are knowledgeable but offer low grades are not welcomed by students and receive few respect. For example, more students apply for the limited seats in a loose class, regardless their interest in the content of the lecture, just because the teacher in this class allows absence and demands simple assignments. Such is the case that students do not respect teachers as the past, which should be improved.
(原因二:学生更加注重分数而不是知识本身,对于老师的学术方面就不够尊重了,这种情况应该加以改善。)
In conclusion, as the changing of the culture, the relation of students and teachers changes. In addition, students pays more attention on grades rather than the knowledge they can acquire from teachers. Both of the reasons lead to the situation that students do not respect teachers as the past.
(总结段是不是写的有点机械的重复上面的观点了?)

写作文小错误不断……看了几遍才觉得改的差不多
觉得句子结构有些把握不好,是不是用了太多从句,显得读起来很累很冗长?
另外,在文章思路上还有段落结构上,希望加以评价~~
多谢各位大虾的批评指正~~^ ^
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